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Hope and heart-sinks: what it is really like to date online as a woman in your 40s

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For women over 30, dating can be a minefield. There are fewer single people generally, and yes, there will be some men your age specifically seeking out younger women. We live in a society that worships at the altar of youth — particularly when it comes to women. Indeed, because women have primarily been valued for their beauty, a concept deeply rooted in ideas of youth, women are socially devalued as they get older. These deeply gendered value systems normalise older men seeking out younger women, because if we value men for what they acquire, and treat women as objects, of course some men are going to view women as another symbol of their status, and want the most desirable model. Everyone has a learning curve, and just like you, most people want to be bowled over by someone amazing.

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Afterwards my first date in a day ended in disaster, I spoke en route for other fortysomething women — and a psychologist — to learn what they could teach me about running the gauntlet of romance. L ast week, I pushed myself to go arrange the first date I have had in a year. In this argument, it flung back a guy who lied on his dating profile a propos his age, used a photo so as to looked 15 years out of appointment and told me a bizarre account about how he had done age on a chicken farm because the prisons in his native country were too full — all, and this was the really confusing bit, designed for a crime he did not assign. But women in their 40s are likely to have run the gauntlet of hope, heart-sinks and uncertainty so as to are part of the dating arc, from traditional meet-ups to the advance of the planet of the apps. My process of natural deselection is trawling hundreds of profiles that accept in a blur of torso selfies, confusing group photos and grinning men in their 50s holding out big fish this choice of profile adventure is one of the many mysteries of online dating. So, I address to Dr Martin Graff, a boss lecturer in psychology at the Academe of South Wales, who confirms my fears that it is just a numbers game after all. Dr Graff, whose research interests include the psychology of online dating, explains why the hours of swiping feel draining. Designed for a start, fewer men in so as to bracket are looking for women of a similar age, compared with younger men. Graff agrees that men all the rage their 40s are more likely en route for want a partner in their 30s or 20s.

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