I knew that gay men engaged in it, but I held on to some pretty old-school notions when it came to why straight women would do it. Whoever heard of Mrs. Up-the-Butt might reside. The experience was, for lack of a better word, awful. But on top of the physical discomfort, I also felt ashamed. It was humiliating that this was what he wanted and humiliating that I consented. What did this say about me? What other so-called deviant things would I consent to in the name of love? But then something happened in my early thirties.
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